01 faraway stories
the ideal death
“How would you want to die?”
“All of a sudden?” Ari takes a sip from her glass of water.
“Why? You haven’t thought about it?” Tommy looks up and across the wooden tabletop at Ari and Jay. They are sitting in the garden courtyard of Faraways. The bar has been doing renovation to the outdoor area recently so the trio perched on an eclectic collection of newly thrifted benches and vintage bar stools, their conversation lit by a string of lights hanging on an awning above.
“Not really. But what are your answers? Maybe I’ll get some ideas,” Ari says.
“I know exactly how I want to die,” Jay says. “I want a hospital bedside death with my family and friends by my side”.
Despite being the youngest by far at 20, Jay had always been the most long-term oriented. He’s the manager at Happy Neighbor, a family bakery business around the corner and two streets down, with the life goal of retiring by 35.
“So you want to die from being too old to live?”
“Yeah, and I want to be able to say goodbye.”
“That’s a very practical answer.” Tommy notes, taking a puff of the cigarette in his hand.
“What if you say your goodbyes and then everyone is just waiting for you to die but you don’t even die? Like it takes you a few days more? Weeks more? Isn’t that just kinda awkward?” Ari asks.
“Why are you thinking about awkwardness when I’m about to die?” Jay questions.
“Good point.”
“I think it’s quite beautiful. To be with those who love you at the very end.” Tommy offers in support.
“But what about who YOU love? There’s no guaranteed match and maybe there will be someone you miss. Then you’d be saying an incomplete goodbye.” Ari frowns.
They all stare for a second in silence at the empty and half-empty wine bottles in the middle of the table. The glasses sparkle with the reflections of the hanging lights.
“…Well, Tommy asked for an ideal so it’d be one and the same at my deathbed.”
“Okay.”
“So did you come up with an answer?” Jay looks to Ari.
“Yeah, I think I would want to be at an age right before I’m too old to live, and I want to go somewhere beautiful, fall asleep, and just never wake up.”
“That’s very sensible of you” Tommy comments.
“Isn’t that what you said about Jay’s response?”
“Oh, is it?”
“Anyways, yeah I’m not great at goodbyes, and I don’t really want my friends or family to feel that awful anticipation before saying bye either so this seems like the best way for me to go.”
“Where would be beautiful enough for you to go?” Jay questions this time.
“I don’t know. I’m hoping I’ll know when I’m there.”
“Okay, fair.”
“What about you?” They both look at Tommy in anticipation.
“I’m not sure when exactly but I’d want to die a tragic death. Maybe something like suffocation.” Thomas smushes his cigarette butt against a small hole in the wall behind him. It goes out with a sizzle, burning another flaky layer of black on the already black wall.
“I’m not a very romantic person,” he says, as if that explains everything.
“Yeah, no kidding. That’s like… the opposite of romantic” Jay says.
“Well, I hope you never die”, Ari adds.
“Thanks. Don’t worry, I won’t be going any time soon…” Tommy reassures the group.
A light turns on from inside a room on the third floor of an adjacent building. Window blinds block out most of it, but the faint orange glow paints a contrasting rectangle of color against the otherwise desaturated wall. A soft, salty breeze floating above hits a wind chime hanging by the door, creating a curious chain of notes against the night. Tommy leans back with his chair, sinking further into the shadows.